That glimmer is looking a bit dim....

I'm still seeing David. Kind of.  I'm no longer all that excited about it though - he's managing wonderfully to kill any excitement I have about him through his general apathy and lethergy. 

So, over the past 6 weeks, what with Easter, holidays, his very busy sports schedule, etc; the dates have been few and far between. To give you a sense of just how few and far between; I was due to see him today for the first time in over 2 weeks but he just cancelled. The last guy I dated I was seeing twice a week at this stage so I'm definitely not loving the frequency.

And the frequency is important. I want to see if David is potentially someone for me.  To make that assessment I at least need to be seeing him on a somewhat regular basis and hearing from him in between those dates.. I do like him and the dates are great but he never phones, he rarely texts and is completely lastminute.com about arranging to meet.  Am I just fooling myself and not facing the inevitable? 

And let me tell you about the inevitable.  The inevitable being that David is another of the type I seem to meet all the time.  In fact my friend Dee once said "Lucy, there are just some emotionally retarded men out there who will never be able for a relationship - and you seem to meet all of them".

Anyway, as I type - pissed off at being cancelled by text at the last minute - I fear I've probably met another emotionally useless one. Time will tell.

The Outlet...

So my friend Kate has an analogy on online dating. 

Online dating is like an outlet store. There's a reason why all of the fashion is there. A lot of it isn't great.  Some of it just never wore well on day one.  But for some of it - a few rare items - it's day in fashion is yet to come. And when that day comes; it will wear very, very well.

A glimmer..

So, I'm dating someone new.  ("Dating" - I sound like a New Yorker).  He's the first person that I've been remotely excited about since I started this whole process. His was actually one of the first profiles I saw a year ago when I started online dating but I though at the time that he looked a bit arrogant so I never contacted him.  He also specified that he was looking for someone very, very sporty....  Then about a month ago when I was back online after Donnacha I came across him again, added running to my list of hobbies on my profile and I added him to my favourites. And then he emailed me. And  I emailed back. And a week later he asked me out and then I broke ALL my rules and went on a Saturday night date with him. 

And three weeks later here we are.  So I like him,  Which is good. It's also a prize pain in the ass. Our first date was great - and I think the following 3 were great but he's giving nothing away so it's hard to call it.

So, we'll just have to watch this space. I'm meeting him again on Thursday (before I go on holidays on Saturday). So, like I said, time will tell..

Why am I still single?

I was going through my internet favourites folder this week and I came across this article "Why am I still single?" written by Gemma Soames in The Sunday Times a few years ago.  In her article Gemma talks hilariously but sincerely about being almost permanently single and the list of attributes the man of her dreams will possess.

All us singletons ask ourselves this question every now and again. Why am I still single?  We blame the apparent male:female ratio distortion, our mothers, our sins in a past life and ultimately ourselves for things we should have done differently, the lost love we clung on to for far too long, that dodgy haircut we probably sported for too many years...

But the reality is we all have some sort of list of what we're looking for - the things we are unwilling to compromise on.  In low moments, my friend Dr. Sarah has stated the minimum criteria she's looking for in a love match as "not hideous with no visible signs of criminal psychosis".  In her more optimistic moments she amends this to "A good kisser, who is not hideous or mean, with no visible signs of criminal psychosis". At the other end of the spectrum is a rather uptight friend of a friend whose non negotiable list includes the postcode the man grew up in, a post-graduate qualification, height, shoe size, eye colour, type of school attended as well as a raft of other, largely obnoxious, factors.

  

Reading Gemma's article I realised that I do have a bit of a list.  My last boyfriend taught me a lot about what I really valued. When I met him I realised that the few things that I’d always felt were non negotiable – entertaining extrovert, passionate interest in food, owner of a full head of hair - were not only negotiable; they were deeply unimportant in the greater scheme of things.

So, my list is as follows. a tall, handsome, slightly lonely, millionaire.  Kidding, I'm kidding!

So, seriously. His most defining features need to be his honesty and integrity. He needs to be calm without being excessively laid back.  He needs to be (quietly) confident without being in anyway over-powering. He needs to be good company without being attention seeking. He needs to be generous but easily accept generosity from me too.  He needs to eat vegetables.  I will fancy him like mad. He needs to be smart. He won't play games. He's not flashy or showey. He will think my stories are hilarious/insightful/incredibly interesting. In fact, he's going to think I'm fabulous.

He will have a healthy relationship with his family.  And be just old-fashioned enough (chivalrous, opens doors, walks on the outside of the pavement) but in no way chauvinistic or closed minded.  And I would choose his company over anyone else’s in the whole world. 

Like Gemma's list, this is the abridged criteria - and might explain why I'm single at (almost) 35 and online dating....

Back in the saddle...

So, I'm back on plentyoffish.com now for about three weeks.. I've created a new profile and I'm using some new photos - just to avoid the feeling of deja vu.  My first (badly written) contact was from a guy called Darren. His picture showed him laughing hysterically - while naked in a bath. Nice tatoos and pot belly, Darren.

Sigh.

The next contact showed much more promise. Nigel works in TV, is very cute, quite funny and knows how to use an apostrophe. I was further encouraged when he, impressively quickly, suggested meeting for a coffee that week. So, I accepted.

Then his emails began to dwell a lot more on things like his "abandonment issues",  "difficulty trusting women" and his "tendancy to sabotage relationships". I tried to ignore this and give him the benefit of the doubt.  So we began the process of arranging coffee.  Normally that process goes a bit like this:

Me: "Coffee this week sounds great. Thursday?"
Him: "Sounds good. Maybe after work then?"
Me: "Cool. I work in Ballsbridge - where are you based?"
Him: "IFSC. So maybe around Baggot St would be a good halfway point?"
Me: "Wonderful - see you then."

Instead, our exchange went a bit like this...

Me: "Coffee this week sounds great. Thursday?"
Him: "Sounds good. IFSC?"
Me: "Actually, I work in Ballsbridge - so that's not great for me?
Him: "It's actually not that far from Ballsbridge"
Me: "How about around Grafton St - probably halfway for both of us?"
Him: "Well, ok I suppose.  Maybe somewhere on the Grafton St side of IFSC?"
Me: "What's the story Nigel, will your parole alarm go off if you leave the confines of the IFSC?

Sigh again.

So anyway, I decided that Nigel and his trust issues might be better suited to someone else. Hopefully one frog (or fish) closer to a prince though.

Til next time.

Maybe my mother is right...

...maybe I do have committment issues - I can't even commit to a blog. 

So, I've been a very bad blogger. In my defence though, it's because I've been dating. 12 dates actually. A first date involving coffee,  a night at the theatre, several drinks, an afternoon spent shopping, 8 dinners (several of them cooked by him).  All in all, some great dates.  In a nutshell Donnacha is a very nice guy.  In fact, he well exceeds my friend Dr. Sarah's Minimum Man Criteria - not hideous with no visible signs of criminal psychosis,  Donnacha is about my age, generally well adjusted,  is extremely kind, smart, very generous, is good fun, gentlemanly, has his own home, has a good job, is good to his parents...  Unfortunately (and before you start thinking that this is going to be a very short blog or about to become Lucy Learns Wedded Bliss), this particular dating story is over.  We gave it a good shot but Donnacha was very definitely not for me. Nor I for him. But it was a really nice few months. It gave me hope in the process.

And now I'm back online. More on that anon.

Sometimes, men really are like buses..

Given how long it took to arrange just one date, I figured the next one might be a while away.  However, all of a sudden things took a turn for the better and I had 3 dates in two weeks.

1. Rob: an accountant, good fun, no major chemistry but had such a good night I would definitely have met him again. Except he didn't contact me .... and deleted his profile two days later.  Ah well.

2. Cyril: worked in IT.  Looked like someone who worked in IT. Talked like someone who worked in IT. By unspoken agreement we decided not to take it any further.

3. So third time lucky? Eoghan was a Management Consultant, my age, pretty articulate and funny (on email). In real life he was really boring and talked about the cost of things THE WHOLE NIGHT.  If he uttered the words "you wouldn't catch me there - do you know what they charge for a pint?" once he must have uttered it 60 times. I wouldn't have minded if he was genuinely broke or a student but he implied several times taht he was earning a fortune. It's the only time I've ever felt like doing a legger halfway through a date...

Three frogs closer to a price?  Hopefully.