Slow week..

So, it's a slow week in the world of online dating - despite the bleedin' HOURS I'm investing in it.

Perhaps it's the summer but there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of the kind of guy I'm looking for online. And a whole load of the ones I, as a rule, avoid.  These include: 

• The emotionally clingy as identified by expressions such as "Hey honey how are you. Chat soon, David xx " etc in their first email contact.
• Guys who allude to sex in their first contact.
• Guys whose profile say they use drugs, are looking for a one night stand or are from Cavan. Just messing about the Cavan bit.
• Those who live more than 30 miles away. Sorry Chad from Conneticut, I'm sure you're right and we could have made sweet music but I got my rules...
• Guys who stress terms like "open-minded" and "fun times" in their profiles. Reading between the lines? They're looking for nipple tassles and strap-ons on date 1.
• Guys who actually mention strap-ons in their profiles..
• Guy's who's profile pictures show them topless. Or in the bath. Or flexing muscles.
• I'm 34. So anyone who's out of my target age bracket  - 33 - 39. And if I'm being honest it's 32 - 36 but in the interest of opening my mind...
• (Actually, that's another difference between men and women - most men want a girl up to 15 years younger than them while a woman wants a guy her own age - but anyway, I'll save that for another post....)
• Because I'm fussy about grammar and punctuation - and call me a snob if you must - I ignore guys who find it accepable to say things like "your lovely" and "i'm looking for an Easy Goin Women"
• Because I'm over 13 years old, anyone who uses text speak  - it's one hell of a turnoff.

Long enough list, isn't it?  Oh Romeo, wherefore art thou...

We need to talk about Kevin

This is the story of Kevin. 

A flavour

Have I got a treat for you...  When you join an online dating site, you receive all kinds of emails. From the zero effort (hi. how're u?) to the creepy (hey baby, want to give some young c0ck a break?) to the plain bizarre.  Below is an unprompted first email I received from "Gar" (on POF in case anyone is wondering what sites to avoid) - original punctuation and bad spelling included.

"Im sick o this sh*t, im not perfect r anything but u said ur singlwe 6 months and arent getting any ,try being me single for years and still not gettin closer to setting sum ,,

ok the boxes which u have which i can tick are the big shoulders box and the swimming box ,,also im quite good at guitar so i could teach u that 2 ,,in exchamge for sex of course if thats ok with u cause i may as well start trading for it ,i aint gonna get it any other way cause i never seem to tick the watch what u say r language box ,but i am pretty deadly on guitasr so bear that inm mind next time your trying to learn a metallica solo,,,, 

not much good with computerzs though ,alwauys seem to press the send button b4 im done by mistake ansd jus one more thing ,boybandz are shite ,beginning middle and end of story ,

ok and finally id like to ask why u dont have a picture of yourself up cause u sound lovely and if u think im askin cause im afraid your fat ,im not ,.. i love fat chicks too ,more o them to love thats all and im seriouis about that so stop bein so sexist and homophobic please

anyway ,i doubt u will get back to me but if u decide that my mail was in fact funny and not psychotic,im Gar ,i have big shoulders an average sized willy and im lookin for a girlfreind ,,o ye and im deadly on guitar.  what do u really look like :)?" 

Are your eyes hurting?  "Boybandz"? "Sexist and homophobic"?  No clue.  A depressing thought: is this indicitive of the calibre of single men in Ireland..?

Serial fiancée...

Work and holidays delayed my plans but once I settled down to it, Match.com seemed to get off to a good start. I invested an hour winking and emailing a few interesting enough looking prospects. And one, Rory, got back pretty much straight away and asked me out.  I kind of liked his approach and so ended up meeting him for a drink after work during the week.  And it was, well... not great if I'm being honest.

He seemed ok for the first hour until I agreed to have dinner with him. (Seriously, have I learned nothing? I know that dinner on a first blind date is a bad idea).  He did an awful lot of talking about himself. He interrupted the few stories I had the chance to tell to make non-funny, often lewd jokes. He mentioned that he'd been engaged 3 times. I looked, I would imagine, quite incredulous at hearing this.  He quickly assured me that the first two weren't "real" engagements - he didn't didn't even get as far as a ring with one of them. So, third time lucky, he joked. Given that the marriage was a brief one and he was now separated, I didn't really agree.

He was just really not my type.  I fudged spectacularly when he asked to meet me again, made a hasty escape and haven't heard from him since.

So, I have one other prospect of a date in the pipeline. All in all though, I'm not loving Match.com this time around. There doesn't seem to be a significant number of men on it. I may be going back to POF at the end of my subscription after all.

Dusting myself off (again)

It's clearly time for a change in strategy - if only to keep myself enthused about the whole process.  So, I'm putting my POF account on the back burner for a while and re-joining Match.com.  And putting a photograph on my profile..

The "photo on profile" causes a lot of debate.  To date I have never posted a public photo. I say on my various profiles that I'm happy to share private photos but just don't want to post a public one.  And while I also include the fact that this is not because I'm hideous, famous or wanted for murder; it definitely puts some guys off engaging with you. And there is nothing as confidence shattering as building up a rapport with someone on email, getting excited by the sound of someone, getting hopeful about next steps, swapping photos... and never hearing from them again.

So why not post a photo?  The reason is that I just haven't been that brave - and I don't want to be in a work meeting wondering how many of the people around the table have seen me online desperately looking for love.  But, as by friend Liz said recently as she posted a photo to her own profile, what of it?  We are looking to meet someone and who cares who knows it?

So, taking a deep breath, I submitted a few (hopefully) witty lines, my credit card details and the best photo I could find to Match.com. And sat back and waited. And got a wink. And then another wink. And an email. (The email may have been from a 52 year old in France but it's still an email!).

So, I'm marginally excited about exploring the new possibilities on Match.com over the next while.  Will keep you posted.

Lucy.

PS: I've just been contacted (on POF) by "SpankMaster".  Now what do you think he was looking for??

Ok, next chapter..

Ok, so sporty David has finally strapped a pair on and dumped me. By text.  An hour before I was due to meet him for a date.

While I can console myself with the knowledge that he clearly wasn't the lovely guy I initially thought he was, gaddammit but it still hurts. Firstly, I really liked him. Secondly, someone treating you so shabbily really doesn't do your confidence a whole lot of good. 

All I can do is add this to the list of hilarious stories that I'll one day regale my wedding guests with and try and summon up the enthusiasm to get back online.  Not today though - I definitely need a bit more licking my wounds time. 

That glimmer is looking a bit dim....

I'm still seeing David. Kind of.  I'm no longer all that excited about it though - he's managing wonderfully to kill any excitement I have about him through his general apathy and lethergy. 

So, over the past 6 weeks, what with Easter, holidays, his very busy sports schedule, etc; the dates have been few and far between. To give you a sense of just how few and far between; I was due to see him today for the first time in over 2 weeks but he just cancelled. The last guy I dated I was seeing twice a week at this stage so I'm definitely not loving the frequency.

And the frequency is important. I want to see if David is potentially someone for me.  To make that assessment I at least need to be seeing him on a somewhat regular basis and hearing from him in between those dates.. I do like him and the dates are great but he never phones, he rarely texts and is completely lastminute.com about arranging to meet.  Am I just fooling myself and not facing the inevitable? 

And let me tell you about the inevitable.  The inevitable being that David is another of the type I seem to meet all the time.  In fact my friend Dee once said "Lucy, there are just some emotionally retarded men out there who will never be able for a relationship - and you seem to meet all of them".

Anyway, as I type - pissed off at being cancelled by text at the last minute - I fear I've probably met another emotionally useless one. Time will tell.